Just dilemma. I know I have to deal with my own feelings but at the same time I have no time due to study. So what happen is I hide it, I ignore it until one day, I cannot stand it. I called my friend, I whatsapp my friend, I find my church mate, I try to talk with my roommate, I really don't know where to express because nobody understand me with me sink in this situation. Staying in hostel, crying out loud inside deep down but physically smiling. Room mate aka course mate did understand me too, but one thing is they have to study too. Who ain't have the time to deal with your feelings? Who are you to steal others time for your stupid, childish, foolish act?  

There is one guy who I constantly chat with, but we are just do not click in that way, we come from different background, he doesn't understand my study, my problems I faced in my study. I really appreciate what he gives me, he give me mentally support in term of a simple good morning before my lecture, a daily goodnight where I am still doing my revision. Even though this seems so simple, but at least it shows me that there is someone who care who remember me. I tried to share my problem with him, but his suggestion is just too cool for me, he give me an advice 'Chill, relax.'. Boy, you just don't know what I want.

I wish there is someone who will say, 'hey you! just come back, I know you have been stress with your study, is okay, don't push yourself too hard.

When everyone in this world tell me too work hard, to bear this 5 years. Can I ask for someone to tell me I should really go back when I want :'(